show dont tell EH

Feedback requested please. My writing is progressing and I am happy with the direction and shape the story is taking. One area I continue to struggle with, however, is the concept of “Show, Don’t Tell”. At times I think I am putting too much detail in rather than crafting a scene where an assessment of a character can be inferred by indirect hints and words.

Below is one scene where I have tried to focus on showing actions as a way to infer some hints into Eliza’s mother’s personality and her beliefs. I would welcome any thoughts on what this scene says to you about Laura. How would you describe Laura from reading this one scene? What would you infer of Eliza’s relationship with her mother?

            Eliza enjoyed Market days with her mother. Listening to her chat with the butcher and noting each time she inquired how his son was faring with his studies at the new Bryant Business School. The leanest cuts of beef found their way into the waxy wrapped parcels for Mrs. Edwards’ order. Watching her pause to tally whether Mary needed a half or full bushel of fresh peaches for a pie, eight cobblers and a few cans to put up. Inspecting the bratwurst to make sure it was a bright pink, reddish hue and hadn’t turned with a tinge of grey around the ends. Catching the fish vendor with a miscalculation of the change she was due, and pointing the error out to him, without calling out his mistake loud enough for others to hear.

I am now in the middle of my first conflict and climax scene. I hope it will translate well into an exciting chapter and that I find a resolution that makes sense!  More to come…

 

 

 

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